This is no longer MY story…but God’s Glory! (Pt2)

I’ve received an overwhelming response since posting Part 1 of “My Story”…THANK YOU for taking the time to read it!

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Friday, January 12th 2007

I’m in ICU, have been for a couple of days…I have a 2yr old daughter and a husband whom I’ve only been married to for a minute, I’m 25yrs old and I’m dying!

Doctors are talking about cardiac arrest, renal failure and a host of other things if I don’t see a specialist neurologist immediately only…there aren’t any available to attend to me.

But God…

A Pastor we knew came to see me in ICU, he prayed for me, anointed me with oil and asked me to say the sinners prayer with him – well…since I couldn’t speak it was more grunting – but God heard me.

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Suddenly things are happening & I’m transferred to Milpark Hospital ICU where a specialist neurologist is waiting for me (FAVOUR right there). The next day my husband finds me sitting up in bed – not fully recovered BUT it’s a vast difference (Jehova Rapha) and within 2 weeks I’m out of ICU.

Doctor’s prognosis…

“The op needs to be reversed as soon as possible – the medication is only a short term solution and it’s not guaranteed – the problem is – your organs have taken strain and having major surgery is a great risk. You’re not going to find a doctor willing to take that risk!”

Impasse…

“There’s NO way I’m going back to being fat”…I would take the meds…I’d be ok…I’d live…right?!?

I did…I took the meds, (15-20 different tablets per day) and although the quality of life wasn’t great – I was alive, I was skinny (too skinny) and even fell pregnant with another baby girl!

Carrying a life but contemplating taking my own…

My pregnancy was agonizing – pain, complications and more pain!

Did I mention constant, breaking-out-in-cold-sweats-lying-awake-contemplating-suicide-PAIN?????

The pain was so bad – I considered aborting my baby – I couldn’t take it & ultimately had to undergo surgery at 19 weeks which relieved some pain…SOME!

I’d dropped another 20kgs during this time – weighing a meager 40kgs at 7 months pregnant – Aimee wasn’t doing well in utero  & had to be delivered prematurely – such a fighter though!

Every year I’d end up in ICU for a few weeks, this wasn’t a life, I wasn’t living,  wearing 9-10yr old clothing, my hair was falling out, my skin was dry and pale, my ribs & spine were protruding, I was withering away (the weight loss didn’t stop) and when it  dropped below 40kgs I had to be real…I had to undo this…I had to!

I’m smiling but inside I’m dying…

Thank you for reading Part 2…

PS: Part 3 is the finale I promise LOL!

Much Love xxx

This is my story…PT 1

I’ve been receiving a lot of questions regarding my “testimony” I mentioned in my previous blog post…so I thought I’d do a post around “My Story” to fill everyone in…it’s kinda long so I’ll do it in bits…

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A lil background…

 

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…committed suicide months before my birth…Mom raised myself and my 5 older brothers by herself (yes 5 older brothers) – twas a hard knock life for me LOL!

Early childhood was pretty normal and then at 8 I started gaining weight – it was only well into adulthood that I discovered the reason behind the weight gain… (#METOO).

Since then I gained weight at a steady pace and by high school I was hiding behind baggy tees and jeans ( it was easy to be a tomboy with 5 older brothers). Low self esteem, no confidence, insecure, constantly on diets – I despised the reflection in the mirror!  I started dating my now-husband when I was 17 which was another difficult thing to comprehend – I mean he’s a snack…what did he want with a fat girl like me?!?

Fast forward to 2005…

A year after giving birth to my daughter I’d heard about an affordable weight-loss operation being offered by a doctor in Pretoria – it sounded like a saving grace (and that’s probably what it was but in a totally different way).

I felt like it was my only way out! Being skinny or what was deemed an “acceptable” size was 1 of my dreams…right up there with all my other life goals – that probably sounds shallow to people who can’t relate but…DON’T JUDGE IF YOU’VE NEVER BEEN THERE! Society sucks!!!

I had the op…which worked like this…

A human intestine is roughly 7m long, so the average person would digest meals in 4hrs…mine was bypassed to a mere 30cm so food literally just ran straight through my system…LITERALLY!!!!

From the get-go I experienced various complications ie. Gallstones, acid reflux etc… but the doctor assured me that things would be ok…my weight-loss would eventually stabilize and then stop when I was at the ideal weight for my height.

Within 12 months I had lost an astounding 50kgs – MAMA I MADE IT!!!!! For the 1st time I felt “normal”, “accepted” and I was eager to start living (I was 23 at the time).

January 2007

3 months after our wedding…we were on holiday but something didn’t feel right…I was tired all the time and had muscle pain and then I woke up 1 morning paralyzed! I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t lift my arms or move my legs…that was the scariest moment of my life…I broke down because my husband had to bath me, dress me and comb my hair (AND HIS PONYTAIL WAS THE WORST – MY GOODNESS).

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I was taken straight to ICU with severely depleted EVERYTHING – electrolytes, vitamins, minerals (all stuff I didn’t even know we needed…but ok). Basically my organs were failing and I was dying…WHAAAAAAT – weren’t we on vacay like a minute ago?!?!?!

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But yes…I was in ICU, my organs were failing, all my muscles were in spasms which caused them to contract so I was curled up like someone that had just had a stroke, I couldn’t speak because my tongue (being a muscle too) was twisted and the doctors advised my family to come and say their goodbyes. Doctors didn’t think they could save me!

To be continued…

PS Please excuse the quality of some of the pics…it’s the only ones I have…being so accustomed to hiding from cameras!

PSS Joy comes in the morning…

Thanks for allowing me to share Part 1 with you…I’ll post the next one in a few days!

Much Love xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life @ 35

I have been trying to get this blog post out for days but this flu/sinusitis/infection just wont leave me alone!!!

I celebrated my birthday a few days ago – well…”celebrated” is probably overzealous since I spent the day in bed cuddled up to a box of tissues, pills and orange juice, however, it was my birthday and I’m always grateful for another year of God’s grace!

I’m 35 – eeek!!!! Now, I don’t say that out of fear of aging – I actually love most things that come with aging (operative word being most).

Here’s a list of notable changes – some good, some not so!

  1. Rest is vital – in my 20’s I could survive and function on very little sleep, I healed from sickness or even major ops like my cesarean much quicker than in my 30’s. This past week I had no choice but to take 2-3days in bed just to get over this flu and I mean flat in bed, doing nothing – not even social media!

  2. Signs of aging – Fine lines and dry skin under my eyes have me googling eye creams – and they don’t come cheap y’all – I totally regret every time I rubbed my eyes, damaging that delicate under eye skin – I’m much gentler now (since seeing how expensive those creams are).

  3. Dry skin – I’ve always had oily skin and would skip heavy creams and lotions especially in the summer time but these days I find that half way through the day I’m looking like an ambassador for Lacoste – which also has me googling body butters – I’m such an adult (googling stuff!).

  4. Taste buds – This one is surprising – the older I get the more my palate changes – I now enjoy an array of veggies that I didn’t like in previous years.

  5. Counting pennies – I had a habit of mindlessly buying things for the sake of having new stuff or staying trendy but since trying to live more with less (that happens when you hit mid 30’s – you become all philosophical and stuff) I mostly buy quality, timeless and necessary items (also…I have 3 Kids and private schooling is expensive so I’ve become a cheapskate) – no shame in my game!

  6. Self awareness – I love how aware you become of yourself. Who you’re hanging around, what you’re listening to, what you’re reading, your thoughts, your words. It has brought a sense of peace to my life that I’m so grateful for. Yay for aging!!!

  7. No – It was never a word I could say (except to my kids). But I’m learning that it’s necessary for my sanity and emotional and mental health. It’s still hard though, but I’m getting better at it (except when it comes to chocolate- that’s still considerably hard).

  8. Do you – it’s easy to get sucked in by people’s lives on social media – for the longest time I’ve compared my blog or content to others and always felt like mine came up short, however, I’ve since learned that we’re all different, we all have different lives and we all have different stories to tell. I love inspiring people with my testimony – I believe that God saved my life for His glory and my testimony will always be a part of who I am.

Those are some things I wanted to share with you since hitting the mid-30 mark. I wanted to make it a list of 10 ( I mean who makes a list of 8 things) – (adulting is also making a lot of lists about stuff) but I’ve reached my philosophical quota for the day so that’ll have to do.

Thank you for reading and stay sassy xxx

Top: Makro | Pants: Old | Shoes: MRP | Bag: Old | Earrings: ByMissVoe (she’s got all the good stuff y’all – go check it out!)

Deliver ME from ME!

I’ve been on a journey of self discovery for most of the year (probably for most of my life hahahaha) – hence the sparse blog posts & #OOTDs or any sort of active social media life for that matter. 

It started with my spiritual walk, then having to relearn & reaffirm some truths about myself (especially after gaining back all the weight I lost last year) – I’m still learning – then came the decision to join the natural hair movement (NOT as easy as I assumed) –  spiritually, physically & mentally a lot was/is going on but the most prominent lesson I’m learning over and over is that I am my only hinderance. I am in my own way! 

My state of mind, the way I see myself – and I don’t just mean physically – it restricts me in every way in every area. Allowing fear, insecurities and a negative self image to cripple me. Constantly second guessing myself and doubting my abilities, living in a loop de loop of self-doubt & self shame. It’s time I break the cycle!!! 

I challenged myself to take these pics & do a blog post – totally unprepared – I had to get out of my own head , go against the grain, regardless of the weight I’ve gained or how I think I look with my big “boskop/kroeskop” because let me tell you, going natural has challenged every thought and every belief I had about myself, my appearance and my self image – Yes…hair…hair can do that!!! It’s a good thing though – it’s pushed me further out of my comfort zone – literally forcing me to embrace my truth! 

So with big arms, big hips and my now big hair – I smiled (a genuine happy smile) and posed for the camera! 

I’m big and that’s how I am right now. And this is who I am right now. And I want to live right now!!! I’m tired of hiding behind extra weight or heat damaged hair or jiggly thighs – constantly obsessing about the bathroom scale, shying away from cameras…NO… life is happening and I want to live it! 

This past week we said goodbye to 2 friends, 1 went to bed and never woke up – she wasn’t even 45yrs old – the other succumbed to injuries he sustained in a car crash – only 25yrs old – life is too short Lauren, quit fretting the small stuff! 

So this is me – boskoppy, saggy booby (I’m a mom of 3 & I probably could do with some new bras LoL – but good heavens who sets the prices for bras?!?!? – must be a man), big thighed & flabby armed – it’s me and it’s always going to be me, well, atleast physically maybe, BUT there’s another ME inside this ME and that ME is growing & learning everyday & in this moment, somehow, that’s enough! 


Leggings & Tunic: The Fix | Bag: MRP | Sandals: Gifted 

Lu 

xoxo 

Bata Shoes

Bata Shoes launched their new range called Insolia and I was so blessed to be spoiled with a pair in the loveliest deep red – yayness!!! 



Now, as a heavier girl, I tend to avoid heels as they can be quite uncomfortable and painful – I guess being heavier on my feet adds more pressure on the forefoot – BUT – as you can see, the shoe is designed to reduce forefoot pressure and allows for even weight distribution – and let me tell you – THEY AIN’T LYING Y’ALL!

I was able to dine and dance the night away in these babies with zero discomfort! I’ll definitely be adding a few pairs from the range to my shoe collection! 


Thank you to Bata Shoes for the spoil and for getting it precisely right with this design! 

Thanks for stopping by and stay sassy now! 

Lu xxx 

Style Inspiration – Beauticurve 

I fell in love with this top the moment I saw Rochelle Johnson from Beauticurve rocking it. I knew I had to have it but that meant actually having one made which was the best decision because that seemingly small idea was the catalyst to getting me off my behind and making my dream a reality.  Only God!!!

I approached my trusted tailor (now trusted friend) and had him make up this top for me. Since then Joe and I have designed (and re-designed) a few items and it’s exciting and exhilarating and scary all at the same time, but I’m loving it. (Watch this space My Plus Size sisters!). 

We added the cut out detail to the bottom of the top as well (to give it our own pizazz) and I’m quite pleased with the final product but I’d like to hear what my ladies out there think of the top, so please, holla at ya girl?!?


Top – DIY (well kinda ha ha!) | Jeans – MRP | Shoes – Makro | Sunnies – Cotton On 

Stay Sassy now xxx

Lu 

The Timeless Trench

 

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It has been a VERY long time since my last post but allow me to let you inside my head for a bit…

At the beginning of the year I decided that I would only pay for clothing that fit the following criteria:

  1. The item was a classic/timeless piece or
  2. It was something that I personally designed and
  3. It’s something that was tailor-made to fit me and
  4. Aim for quality over quantity

So in essence that meant that I really had to put a lot of thought into my purchases – no more adding items to cart just because!

Which brings me to this Timeless Trench Coat from the fabulous Fablane Online  – purchased at a ridiculously affordable price – absolute value for money because the quality is fantastic!

Trench Coat – Fablane Online | Leather-Look Leggings – China Mall | Tank Top – PnP Clothing| Heels – MrP | Sunnies – Cotton On

I love that it’s light-weight which is perfect for mid-season weather as well as layering for the colder days approaching . I went with an all black outfit to put emphasis on the coat and I think it worked well!

Thank you Michelle @ FabLane Online – you NEVER disappoint!

Stay tuned for more classic and unique items I’ve added to my wardrobe in the last few months…and stay sassy now!

Lu xxx

 

 

It’s my birthday & I’ll cry if I want to…

Happy Tears y’all, happy tears!!!

34 years old – whaaaaaaaaat?!?!? Didn’t I just turn 30 a minute ago!?!?!

I must admit though, I love getting older – no really – I do!!! When I think of the shy, scared, ashamed-of-some-extra-weight-girl I was back then compared to who I am now – wow!!!! Growth! 

Look, I’m not saying I’m on some Kanye West confidence level right now (ha ha) but I’m a hellavu lot more comfortable being me and that makes my heart happy! 

Skirt, shoes & earrings  – Truworths | Top & sunnies – Mr P | Choker – RogéroStyle
Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!

Stay Sassy now xxx

Lu

Wedding Bells!

Congratulations to my niece Kirsten & her now husband, Shannon, who tied the knot this past weekend!

What a memorable celebration – in fact, I’m still recovering, dancing all night left me rather sore and stiff (yes, I need to start working out, I know this!). 

Everything was absolutely perfect, the venue, the décor, the food was amazing, the wedding entourage looked absolutely stunning, not to mention the blushing bride- wow –  just perfect! 

Thank you Kirsten & Shannon, for allowing us to celebrate this day with you.   

I wish you a beautiful life together!






 


Thank you to Stacey @ MissBoss Couture for designing my beautiful dress. 

Lu xxx 

Attention Ladies 

I’d like to introduce you to an upcoming fashion designer who’ll be opening her store this weekend. So please pop in!!!

Blasting into Spring like!


Hello Beauties!

Notice I said “blasting” because honestly – I’m just tired of winter! Only a couple more days for Spring though! Yay!

It’s been quite warm recently, although there’s still a slight chill in the air with winter on its way out, especially in the early mornings but today I threw caution to the wind. 

I thought I’d probably be a little cold in sandals and an off shoulder dress but the rebel in me just couldn’t!!! Luckily it turned out to be a rather fine day so no blue toes over here – ha ha!

How cute is this dress though?!?! Another one of Fablane Online’s gems. You can check out her merchandise here


Dress – Fablane Online | Sandals & earrings – MRP | Headscarf – Gifted | Chocker – RogéroStyle

Stay Sassy xxx 

Lu