Grace and Glory (Pt3)

Happy 2018 my peoples – finally catching my breath and sitting down to write my 3rd and final excerpt of my near-death experience!

Friday, 13th 2009

I gave birth to a baby girl – (who was kinda weird looking but ok – she was mine) it was a scheduled c-sec, 6 weeks early because Aimee wasn’t thriving inside my womb. She weighed in at a tiny 1,7 kgs and stayed in ICU for a couple of weeks. I couldn’t help but blame myself for speaking death over her life while I was in pain but even in the midst of my foolishness, God’s mercy reigned and soon Aimee was home.

Aimee is the ugly duckling who blossomed into a beautiful swan – for real!

My health steadily declined over the next year and I knew that I had to undo the weight loss op – this op just wouldn’t let me be great and I had 2 girls and a husband who needed me – I was the only person who could give them a healthy, happy mom.

The doctor was right btw – I could not find a doctor willing to do the reversal. They wouldn’t take the risk of me dying at their hands after all the complications I’d had and the strain my organs took, so… I was forced to go back to the doctor who did the initial op.

February 10th, 2010

The day after the reversal I started having severe muscle spasms/seizures (again) and the nurses didn’t know what to do – the doctor was unreachable – it was then we learned about the numerous charges he was facing for patients dying from this operation. The doctor was attending a court case and an ambulance would only be available to transfer me from Pretoria West Hospital to Milpark Hospital in 3hrs – so my husband did the only thing he thought would save my life. He signed me out, put me into his car with drips, open wounds, pipes and bags hanging out of them and drove in peak hour traffic to Milpark Hospital. On arrival the nurses at Milpark wouldn’t admit me with open wounds #ButGod- my doctor arrived and I was taken straight to ICU.

Within weeks I was out of ICU and recovering well (although my body would never ever be as it was pre-op) except I started gaining weight quite rapidly. My body had been starved for so many years that it was storing everything and anything it could.

One morning while getting ready for work I casually mentioned to my husband that I’d be seeing a dietician to help me lose weight when my daughter had a panic attack.

In all that had happened I hadn’t realized the message she was getting from all of this. To my little girl… me being skinny meant hospitals, constantly being sick and fatigued and her little mind had conjured up this correlation and she was afraid.

It was then that I decided to make a conscious effort in accepting my body. If I wanted my girls to have a healthy body image then I had to make some changesย  – enter the birth of this blog!

So you see it’s much more than #OOTD’s or the latest trends – it’s a constant reminder that we are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. This blog has forced me out of a mindset of self-harm, self-hatred and shame. It has forced me to look at myself through God’s eyes and start taking care of myself from a place of love rather than a place of hate.ย  This blog has forced me to speak MY truth.

Look, I’m not going to lie…it’s not all rainbows and unicorns all the time…it’s a constant battle every single day to walk in confidence and acceptance of yourself – and I am no expert but I do know that our bodies are miracles and we should treat them as such.

Also…My husband has literally loved me through THICK and THIN!ย 

Thank you for reading xxx

Much love